"Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle." Romans 12:9-10
"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree." Proverbs 11:28
"I look to you, heaven-dwelling God, look up to you for help. Like servants, alert to their master's commands, like a maiden attending her lady, We're watching and waiting, holding our breath, awaiting your word of mercy. Mercy, God, mercy! We've been kicked around long enough, Kicked in the teeth by complacent rich men, kicked when we're down by arrogant brutes." Psalm 123
The "Life with Mom" archive
Past Essays....if you want a copy emailed to you just ask.
(All past essays aren't listed yet. We're working on it. Thanks for your patience. J.H.)
Last week Hawken brought home an alligator he colored green with a marker. For some kids this wouldn’t be a big deal, but for Hawken it is a phenomenal thing. He had assistance doing it, but assistance can be a good thing.
Hawk has been progressing since he was a ten month old. At ten months he rolled over for the first time. Somewhere between ten months and two years he got head control. At three and a half years old he was able to chew.
His progress is very slow, but it is progress.
Just yesterday he looked at me directly and smiled. He did this three times for me. And he did the same thing for Shannon. Hawken first started smiling purposely about eight months ago. Smiles from Hawk are rare, so yesterday for him to smile and look directly at me and Shannon was miraculous.
No matter what the speed, progress is progress.
Is there progress in your life? Can you not see any, or is there progress but you’re so hard on yourself you refuse to acknowledge the little steps?
Don’t do that to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Encourage yourself.
Yesterday I was having a fog-like day mentally and emotionally. I cannot tell you why (well, probably something to do with hormones). I really wanted to create something. I bought some cheap pastels at Walmart the other day because it is a medium I want to work with.
Nothing I did looked good. I was failing. There was no creativity pouring through my veins. I felt as dry as a stick inside.
I gave up.
Later, I got back to the paper and decided not to have any expectations but just have fun with the color. I drew a face with greens and orange and yellow and blue. It was fun and it actually isn’t that bad.
The point is I gave myself another chance. I let go of the need to perform and I just enjoyed myself.
Give yourself a break and enjoy what you are accomplishing. I love the quote that is up on the homepage today (I’ll leave it there till Friday). Here it is:
How lovely to think that no one need wait a moment, we can start now, start slowly changing the world!" Anne Frank
This was a girl who had no reason to hope. This was a girl who wrote in her journal to a fictitious friend named Kitty. This was a girl whose life ended tragically and way too soon, but also she was a girl who had a tinier world than any of us do – two or three rooms which she shared with her parents, her sister and another family.
And amazingly out of that tiny room, she was able to change the world with her writing.
She just expressed herself in writing. She lived and hoped and dreamed and did something with all of it.
Recognize the progress that has happened in your life and let it continue. See progress through seeking the things that bring you joy.
And when you do this you will be doing some incredible things for you, your family and your world. J.H.
Last night Cheyenne and I folded clothes. I had two and a half baskets full. When we were finished there were piles everywhere.
Pete wanted to climb on the clothes so we had to get rid of them fast. We put the boys’ clothes in their room; Cheyenne took hers to her room; and I took the towels to the bathroom. I piled my clothes and Shannon’s into a basket (that as yet still sits in the kitchen).
We were finished except for Maggie’s clothes. Maggie was sitting beside them half over them exclaiming, “MooMoo’s!”
(Translation – these are Maggie’s clothes.)
I told Maggie to put them away (I knew she really couldn’t, but I wanted to see what she’d do).
She picked them up. Half of the pile fell back to the floor, but she was holding tight to the other half.
Sitting next to the couch was an Easter basket (I can say proudly it hasn’t been there since Spring – just since Monday). Cheyenne set it next to Maggie and filled the basket with her clothes.
“Maggie, you have your own clothes basket,” she said.
Maggie beamed.
“MooMoo’s! MooMoo’s!” Maggie said as she clutched the handle.
I think she scooted about five inches with her basket and stopped. It’s hard work scooting with a clothes basket.
Her basket is now in the kitchen sitting next to mine. Both are still filled with clothes. We’ll get them put away today.
Remembering her enthusiasm makes me think. What can I say is mine that I am proud of? It isn’t a good thing to be tied to material things so tightly that they are what you live for, but it’s okay to enjoy them. It’s okay to be happy about something that’s yours.
I have a coffee cup I love, but now that coffee isn’t part of my diet it usually sits hidden in the cupboard.
Books are some of my favorite things. And I have this picture Cheyenne drew folded up in my wallet that says she loves me. It is a big red heart colored brightly. I forget it is there until I clean the wallet out. Each time I see it, it is like seeing it for the first time.
And I love my paints and paint brushes.
What do you have that’s yours that you love? Love it and be thankful for it. Appreciate it, but don’t be tied to it (when we are tied to things in a needy kind of way the joy of having it gets lost somewhere).
We can always count on bugs coming out when summertime hits. They are a constant in this life – kind of like the sun and the seasons and bills.
Ryan told me this morning I should write about how time moves – how there weren’t even computers around when I was a kid (along with CDs, DVDs, VHS tapes, and all those other electronic gadgets).
But there were bugs and bills. I don’t know too much about the bills back then, but Mom said we kids ate a lot of macaroni and cheese and peanut butter because of them. My kids are now eating those same things.
And I guess the way we look at things that don’t change really shapes how our days will go. Do I see them as blessings or curses?
Ouch. We definitely don’t want to view things in our lives as curses, but how do we see bills and bugs as blessings?
They both remind us we are alive, and that thought can put our mind on good things. If we are alive we are breathing and able to sense in some way goodness around us.
A couple of mosquitoes bit Hawken around one of his ankles. His ankle swelled up and the bites seeped fluid. His body’s reaction to the bites surprised me. He is fine now and I thank God for bug repellent.
Another constant bug in our life is the clutter bug. Wednesday morning it was biting me bad. I saw the clutter and it was driving me to distraction. We were getting ready to go to Pierre for a couple of medical appointments and all I could think about was the mess. It wasn’t any worse than other days, but because it is all I saw I was like a crazy woman. My poor kids!
They watched their manic mother sweep things off counters and throw things away while getting everyone ready to go. This didn’t work well, so I was a bit edgy. My daughter Cheyenne was trying to find something to wear (we need to go shopping for her) and her long hair was in tangles. I said her hair needed combing and couldn’t she just wear the blue shorts.
But Mom, those are boy shorts. I cannot wear boy shorts, she said.
Comb your hair, I told her. Find something to wear, I said as I rushed back to the kitchen.
Now when you are in a state of mania, nothing goes well. I couldn’t find shoes. I couldn’t find the cell phone. The clothes I had put on didn’t look right. Hawk smelled poopy. Why now, I thought.
Somehow the kids and I got into the van and took off. We left later than I wanted to, but we weren’t late. I took in some deep breaths and listened to Cheyenne talk about things.
It took a long time at the clinic. The kids and I had to get something to eat. We went to McDonalds. Peter learned to drink through a straw and he went down the slide.
We went grocery shopping after that, and then headed for home.
And the clutter bug had disappeared. It was no longer affecting my brain and my emotions. When we walked into the house it felt like a new place. Nothing had changed there. All of the change was inside of me.
And this reminded me that our attitudes direct our days. We have to see the constants of life as blessings – no matter what they are.
Some of our constants are the same as everyone else’s – like bugs and bills and the sun and the seasons.
But each of us have unique things in our lives that are always there. Some of mine are poopy diapers and clutter and laundry and dishes. These are good things and sometimes can be down right delightful.
Think of the constants in your life. Thank God for them. Decide today to use them as triggers to think on good things (if there is a constant in your life that is a negative thing though, and you can do something about it, change it).
Have a great weekend. Take time to rest and think and pray and rejoice. J.H.
Cheyenne redeemed thirty points yesterday. She bought a bike ride with Mom. I reluctantly agreed.
We got my bike out, filled up the tires and took off for the mailbox. It is about a seventeen minute ride round trip. There is a slight incline most of the way there.
I tried to keep up with my eight year old daughter. I was six feet behind her and trying desperately to close the distance. She looked back behind her shoulder and yelled, “Mom, do you feel like a kid again?”
“I don’t remember being so out of shape,” I shouted back.
My thighs were really feeling the ride. They were complaining loudly.
“The hill’s coming up,” Cheyenne shouted.
A hill? It had been feeling like a hill the whole time.
“Here it is, Mom!”
Cheyenne stuck her feet out and coasted down to the mailbox.
Big sigh. I can do a downhill. So, I too stuck my feet out. It was fun.
She was waiting for me with the mail in hand. I looked back at the hill.
“Do you peddle back up the hill or do you walk?”
“Sometimes we peddle,” she said. “We try to make it all the way up.
“Let’s go!”
She got back on her bike and peddled fast. I watched from below. She was doing it. Was I really going to be outdone by my daughter? I’d have to at least try.
I started peddling. I stood up and peddled hard up the hill. We both almost made it! We had accomplished a great thing. We had almost conquered the hill.
We walked a few steps and then Cheyenne took off again. Hey, she was already ahead! I kept yelling I would catch her.
I almost did.
But then the mail fell out of the Walmart bag and I had to go back. She made it to the house a full minute before me.
She was standing there waiting. And she asked me again, “Do you feel like a kid again, Mom?”
“Sure,” I said.
I really wasn’t so sure. I think I felt kind of old. And we still had stargazing on our list for the day. It was going to be a long one.
I put Cheyenne to bed and told her I’d wake her up around 11 p.m. for the stars. Ryan and I sat outside reading and waiting, but clouds moved in and stargazing would be put off until another day. The wind was beginning to rush through the leaves. A storm was definitely close by.
As twilight set in, one lone cat walked past the porch. It was the white and gray cat that has been hanging around our place lately. She was carrying a black kitten and walking right toward our garage. She brought three in before it got dark -- two dark gray ones and a black and white.
I tiptoed into Cheyenne’s room and told her the stars were hiding again, but that the mama cat made a home for her kittens in our garage. She smiled. I’m not sure she’ll remember tomorrow.
It’s supposed to storm the next few days. So, we’ll have a few kitten-watching days instead of stargazing nights. And that’s okay.
That’s the kind of thing that makes me feel like a kid in the best way – watching babies play and grow and explore.
There’s something special about seeing life in unexpected places. I hope you have lots of smiles this week. Smiles are a good thing. See you Friday. J.H.
The kids, Shannon and I began a ten year list Sunday morning. It is a list of everything we want to do as a family in the next ten years. We have thirteen activities listed. Disney World is of course on the list. So is going Ireland (that one is just for me and Shannon), visiting the Redwoods in California and taking a trip to the Hot Springs for Hawken.
I don’t know if we are going to get everything done on the list, but we will try.
When I was a kid, my family took a few summer trips in our station wagon. One year we went to Yellowstone National Park.
We’d lay the third seat down in the back and cover it in sleeping bags and pillows.
Mom and Dad would have the air conditioning on high so we in back could get a little bit of air. It’d never be perfect though. It’s be freezing up front and steaming in back.
We kids would fight over the hump – the bump in the middle of the floor behind the front seat. One of us would always have to stand on it and hang over the front seat. This must have driven my parents crazy (this was years before car seats or even the push to wear seat belts).
Sometimes our fights over the hump would get physical. We’d push each other to have that sacred spot. E Mom and Dad gave us time limits on the hump. I am amazed at the patience Mom and Dad showed. I don’t ever remember them once yelling at us!
We went to Yellowstone in July – a very hot July. There was snow on the mountains though. We thought that was really cool. There was a patch of snow on the side of the road. Dad pulled over and told Jon and me to get out and stand in the snow.
With his 8 mm movie camera out, Dad told Jon to pretend to throw a snowball at my back while I pretended to run away. I was wearing one of those little halter tops little girls can wear.
When you give a boy a snowball, don’t expect him not to throw it.
That snowball hit me square in the back.
And when a little girl is hit with a snowball on her bare skin don’t expect her to take it lightly. I did what all little girls would do. I screamed.
I think Dad reprimanded Jon. I don’t remember that part.
It made for a good home movie anyway.
And it makes for good memories.
Memories are so important for all of us. We shouldn’t live in the past, but it’s great to be able to look back and see good things.
Memories help frame our lives.
Traditions are a big part of this. Doing things regularly together add depth and meaning to daily lives.
But, it is so important to do fun stuff – even outrageous things with each other and our kids. It is so easy to get serious about the task at hand and accomplishing things.
Sometimes it is hard to even figure out what is fun. We can get into that mode of trying to raise our kids the right way -- making sure they learn to be kind and honest and courageous every second of their lives.
And this is important – so important.
But we have to have fun.
Have fun this week. Make a list with your spouse, your friend, your kids, your parents – whoever you spend your life with – and make a ten year or a five year list of what you want to do. Those years are going to happen anyway. You might fill those years with things that will make your heart soar!
Okay, here is your assignment: make a list. After you’re done with your list, email me and tell me you did it. And then start crossing things off your list.
One word of clarification – the stuff on your list doesn’t have to be real big. Activities you list could be as simple as having a picnic in your backyard or reading a certain book.
Just make the list. Maybe just make a to do list for the summer.
You have one rule: don’t list practical things that you know need to be done. You can make another list for that. The things on this list have to be enjoyable for you.
So make your list and email me when it’s done.
Soon, we’ll have a message board. Maybe we’ll talk about dreams on it. Or maybe lists. We’ll see. Please forward this link to people on your email lists. I want this website to be an official blog. It can happen. It happens all the time for other people. It can happen here too.
While getting Hawken in his stander I listened to the television. Ryan had a cartoon on about a girl who believed everyone needed one of her hair bows. She insisted on giving them to people who had no use for them.
She gave one to a boy with very little hair (he was a boy and probably would never wear a hair bow but that is only part of the story).
He thanked her for the bow and used it to scratch his dog’s back. The girl was indignant. That wasn’t how he was supposed to use her gift!
She tried to give one to a bald man. He wouldn’t take it.
Then she thought of a girlfriend of hers. She would appreciate it and use it the way it should be used (she thought).
She headed to her girlfriend’s house and gave her a hair bow. The girl said she didn’t want it. Even though she had lots of hair, she didn’t wear hair bows.
The first girl couldn’t understand why everyone wouldn’t take the gifts she was giving. She was sure they all needed hair bows. She was sure they’d be better off with her gifts.
I know this is a silly story, but it spoke it me. Do we as people try to give people gifts they don’t want? Do we give gifts and then get angry because they don’t use them how we think they should?
When we give these kinds of gifts they aren’t gifts at all. We are trying to control people.
I think as parents we can end up doing this to our children at times. And it isn’t a good thing.
Gifts need to be gifts. No strings or conditions attached.
That’s how God gives gifts. He is the Great Teacher. Gifts from God are just for our pleasure and because He loves to give. Think of the sunsets we are given every night and those cool breezes that come at just the right time. Those are gifts from Him – just because. He gives those kinds of gifts to everyone –whether they love Him or not.
Oh, that we would be good gift givers! It is a wonderful thing to be, to become. It can be a source of joy that doesn’t end.
Give a gift this week and revel in the giving. See you soon. J.H.
Power
Yesterday I was getting supper ready, and Pete was hopping around enjoying himself. He asked for some milk. I looked over at him and thought his head looked a bit weird – like he was losing his hair. I must be imagining things, I thought. So, I let it go.
The table was set and the children got into their seats. We prayed and passed the food. Pete sits on the other side of the table. I noticed his head again. It looked funny. But why?
Nothing has happened to his head since he’s been home with us. At least I didn’t think anything had happened.
Pete wasn’t eating his rice well, so I went over to help him. As I fed him rice I stared at his head. I finally got it.
Someone had cut his hair! Right at the root!
“Someone cut Petey’s hair!” I said with astonishment.
I glanced around the table. Who was the culprit? Ryan and Cheyenne didn’t do it. They both denied it (plus, they both are a bit old for that). Hawk couldn’t do it. The only one left was Maggie. All eyes were on hers.
“Maggie, did you cut Pete’s hair?” I asked.
She smiled, shrugged her shoulders and looked innocent.
She definitely did it. I changed the question.
“Where did you cut Pete’s hair, Maggie?”
“In there,” she said pointing to the bathroom.
We asked Petey if Maggie cut his hair.
He smiled and said, “Da!”
He was very proud of his hair stylist. I fed him some more rice and just shook my head. I was glad she hadn’t cut her own hair and I was glad she had stopped with one cut of Pete’s hair.
I think the hair cutting thing is a rite of passage at least one kid in the family has to go through. Cheyenne cut her own hair when she was in kindergarten (or maybe it was preschool). It took months for her bangs to grow out before we could hide the hole.
I remember one of my brother’s having a big ragged gap in his bangs for a school picture.
It’s kind of a neat feeling to watch my own kids do the same silly things kids did when I was young. They even tell the same jokes or come home hoping to stump Mom with the same problems.
“Mom, is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?” my son asks hoping I don’t know the answer.
“A fruit, but people eat it like a vegetable,” I reply.
“Knock, knock,” Cheyenne says.
“Who’s there?”
“Banana,” she says.
“Banana who?”
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?” I ask pretending I don’t know the answer.
“Banana,” she says.
(And then the joke goes on and on and on and on until. . .)
“Knock, knock,” she says.
“Who’s there?” I say trying to sound enthusiastic.
“Orange.”
“Orange who?”
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” she says laughing hysterically.
And I laugh too.
It’s a mom’s job to laugh at all her kid’s jokes. I think we could say that is a mom’s rite of passage.
Ryan went through a phase of making up his own jokes. They’d go something like this:
“Mom, what do you get when you cross an elephant with a cow and an airplane and shoes and socks and a tv?”
“I don’t know. What?” I ask.
“A lot of smelly noise!”
And then he and I would bust up laughing and laughing and laughing.
As Cheyenne got older she’d listen to his jokes and say, “Mom, that wasn’t funny.”
I would just roll my eyes and say, “Shhh” and keep on laughing.
Getting back to hair, thankfully Pete’s hair is cut short so his Maggie haircut is hardly noticeable. I need to dye mine. Shannon has been asking for a haircut and Ryan needs one soon too.
(You know, Time can be measured by haircuts and hair roots. But what does that have to do with rites of passage?)
Well, time to sign off. Cheyenne just yelled, “Ryan’s being annoying!”
I looked over at Ryan and he smiled. I had to laugh. I guess another rite of passage for parents is dealing with sibling bickering. This one isn’t that fun, but every time it gets to me, I realize I am being paid back for all the times I fought with my brothers and caused my own mother grief (Children, Beware!!!!). I still don’t know how she didn’t go insane.
Acknowledge your own rites of passage and celebrate them. They can be comforting and they can be the basis for some really good stories. Tell someone a story this weekend about yourself or your parents or siblings. Stories keep people alive and speak truth in ways nothing else can.
Thanks for reading. Email anytime. J.H.
(Hold on! I was reading this to Ryan and he told me something I didn’t know. He said the tomato is a veggie-fruit or a fruity-vegetable. It’s a fruit in vegetable form. Wow. Things are a whole lot more complicated now. I didn’t know those categories even existed!)
Prayer Time
Every night before Peter goes to bed we sing and pray. I ask him who we should pray for and the list begins. He says cows (then we pray), horses (we pray again), donkey (we pray again – you get the idea), goats, Hawken, Papa, Maggie, Cheyenne, Ryan and Mama (or sometimes he says Mommy). And when he says Mama he laughs because he tells me to pray for Mama at least twice (but more often at least three times).
So, I pray for myself asking God to help me be a good mama.
And after all those are done he will ask for prayer for Elmo or the puppy. I tell him I won’t pray for Elmo (though maybe I should) and I tell him we don’t have a puppy to pray for.
He asks again. So, I ask him if he wants a puppy and he says, Yes!
We pray for a future puppy practically every night! Peter is persistent.
Kids have no problem asking for things. They do it all the time. They ask for treats. They ask for help. They ask for French toast for breakfast. They don’t even think about whether or not they should ask. They just ask.
And when they ask, they expect to get it (at least my kids do). They believe good things will come from their asking.
Now, possibly at Christmas when their lists of wants are very long and often include very outlandish things that no parent would ever buy, children probably know they won’t get everything they ask for. Yet, it doesn’t stop them from asking.
Now, God isn’t Santa Claus. And he isn’t a genie.
He’s a parent – the Father more specifically.
And if our kids can ask so naturally for things from us, we need to do the same thing with our Father. He doesn’t mind being asked. He actually loves to give us good things.
Sometimes the answers aren’t what we expected or wanted, but if we’re willing to be grateful and childlike and trusting, we will often get something even better than what we asked for.
We’ll often find ourselves in that “waiting for God” mode.
He’s never late.
He’s never early.
He’s always on time.
And in this, in God and His goodness that never changes, we can rest.
Have a great weekend. Enjoy the changing weather knowing autumn is on its way. See you next week. J.H.
Life with Peter
Cheyenne and I were outside last night trying to fix her bike chain. Maggie was sitting next to us trying her best to help. Peter, Ryan and Hawken were inside.
Well, the chain got worse so I decided to stop before I lost any essential parts. I told the girls it was time to go in.
Ryan was on the computer playing a game. Hawk was in the living room. Peter was in the kitchen with a smile on his face, spaghetti noodles all over the floor, pee pee in front of the washer (when Peter gets involved in something he can have accidents), cookie all over his face and the roll of garbage bags unrolled over the noodles.
I should have just laughed. Who knew such a little guy could make such a big mess! And it is the kind of story I will tell his girlfriends when he gets to be a teenager.
But I didn’t. I cleaned Peter up and cried as I swept up the noodles.
Today, I put him in his bed for a nap. When he first came home from Russia he napped very well. That made me happy. He fell right into our routine.
Summer changes a lot of things. He, I think, waits until I leave, then gets right out of his bed. He doesn’t sleep at all. I have been allowing him to do this because I think he needs some alone time (and I need some time away from him).
Here’s a riddle: mix a three year old active boy with a room filled with books and toys and big brother’s bulletin board covered with ribbons and certificates and what do you get? A lot of destruction.
So, he won’t go down for a nap any longer and I was reminded once again that moms need to be flexible.
Boy, do I get into comfortable habits. And those comfortable habits become hindrances to needed change.
I had to stop another habit this past week – my pot of coffee a day habit. I wouldn’t drink it all at once (but I would drink it). My body finally protested loud enough. So, I’ve been drinking a lot more water and ordered some herbal coffee which is supposed to be good and good for a person (check out our new health page).
So, for our own growth, I guess we need to examine our lives at times to see if we have any habits that could be destructive or just hindering us from moving forward.
If you need a jumpstart with changing your habits, I’ll rent you a very active three year old for a couple of hours. He’s sure to help get you started (and before anyone reports me, I was just kidding about renting him out…..you can just borrow him….Okay, I was kidding on that one too. My almost ten year old is reading this over my shoulder and I don’t want him to think I am giving children away….though there are days I am tempted).
The gate to the pasture was open the other night and we didn’t know it till the next morning. I saw Frankie, our parrot-mouthed horse, eating outside the fence and Louie, the gelded goat lying a few feet away enjoying the sun.
I shook my head and went up to them praying Frankie would go back into the pasture easily. He can be a real stinker. But he wasn’t at all. He was a dream. He walked right back in and I shut the gate. I thanked God for His help. I know He told Frankie to behave.
I walked back to the house so thankful.
A few hours later someone was banging on the door. It was our landlord telling me our two cows were out and a mile down the road. He told me the neighbor’s name who called and then left. They must have gotten out of the same gate and just ate their way east.
I wasn’t sure how I’d get them back. I was all worked up emotionally.
Ryan said, “Mom, calm down. It will be okay.”
(It is amazing how many times Ryan has said that to me this summer.)
So, I think. If Ryan would go with me, I could kind of herd the cows with the van and he could walk behind them.
“Ryan, will you help?” I ask.
“Sure Mom,” he says.
We get in the van and drive down our road.
And there they are – two cows, a truck and a neighbor I have never met. He must have pushed them with the truck to the road. I was so grateful.
I thank him, but he wasn’t finished. He cut his fence so Molly could walk out, and he then helped us walk Scarlet (the mama) to the right side of the road. I thanked him again.
He asked if we needed any more help. I said no. I thanked him again for his kindness. He told me things like that happen and it wasn’t a big deal.
The pair of cows walked side by side all the way back to the pasture. I drove beside them on the road and Ryan walked behind them.
“This is easy, Mom,” he shouted from the ditch.
“You’re right, Ryan!” I yelled back.
“God is helping us, Mom.”
“You are so right,” I replied.
And God was. He was herding them back for us.
He cares about every last detail in our lives.
When a neighbor is neighborly it is such a gift. I am still so thankful for this man who didn’t know me, but helped anyway. He didn’t have to do that.
But he did.
And his kindness reminded me of how easy it is to change a person’s life just by helping out when we can. Something that might just take us five or ten minutes could be the very thing that causes that person to turn her life around. It could be the very thing that makes a person realize there is hope.
Someone needs you today. Write that letter. Send that email. Make that phone call. Stop by for a quick visit. Whatever your heart is telling you do, do it today. Today is all we have.
The kids, Shannon and I went swimming this weekend with my parents out in Rapid City. We stayed in a hotel that had a 100 foot slide. In order to get to the slide we had to climb up a tall platform which had rails and solid steps.
Ryan quickly made it down the slide. He has no fear of the water and that slide looked like a lot of fun.
I was in the hot tub with the little kids and Hawken. But I was eyeing that slide.
After a while I just had to try it myself. I handed Hawk to Shannon and went down. It was a lot of fun!
I asked Cheyenne if she had gone down yet.
No way! She said. She can be quite timid around water. The slide looked too tall and too scary to her. I asked her to go with me. She refused.
So, I made her go with me. I told her I’d sit right behind her and we’d be just fine.
We walked up the steps. She was nervous but smiling. A huge part of her wanted to go down the slide. She just couldn’t do it on her own.
But we did it together and she loved it.
After that, she went down several times by herself. She was really proud. The first time she went alone she walked over to me afterwards with a huge grin on her face.
I went down by myself, she said, as she headed back to the slide.
She and I had a little talk about fear before we went up. I told her it’s okay to be afraid, but it isn’t okay to let fear stop you from doing things you really want to do.
A lot of the things we are afraid of never come to pass. The worries we place in our mind that stop us from really living are not reality. They are just ideas. They shouldn’t imprison you.
What fear is keeping you from your dream right now? Is it fear of the future? Fear of harm? Fear of being broke? Fear of rejection? Fear of losing someone?
If your fear is controlling you, play it out in your mind all the way to the end. What if whatever you’re afraid of really happens? And what if it doesn’t?
Don’t live your life based on “what-ifs.”
Let yourself live. Breathe and then go ahead and jump. You might find out you can fly! J.H.
(P.S. But if the fear of the law is stopping you from doing something illegal, don’t apply this message to that situation. Please!)
Strong smells, strong sounds, strong love
The other day I was changing Hawken’s pants. Maggie was close by and noticed Hawk’s little boy private part and asked what it was. I told her. She then looked down at herself and back at me. Where was hers?
I told her girls just don’t have those parts.
She frowned. She was sure she was missing out on something good and that life was just not fair.
Life isn’t fair, but it’s good. I’d rather it be good than fair.
The list of things that are good in life is endless but here are a few:
The sun will come up tomorrow morning.
The sky will be painted in pinks and yellows and blues and grays as the day begins (even if you can’t see it because of clouds).
Air is free, and if you can wrap your mind around this thought, we can even say we breathe in God when we take a breath.
We cannot see the wind but we can feel it and we can see what it does.
Gravity doesn’t take a time out.
Each of us is loved for who we are unconditionally. We are accepted as ourselves.
We never have to be teenagers again.
Laughter is free and is really good medicine.
We can always begin again.
We don’t ever have to quit learning.
This too shall pass (this one has been a favorite of mine during certain times of my life).
Have a good weekend. Enjoy yourself. I’ll see you next week. J.H.
T-ball and ducks
Wednesday night the five kids and I traveled to Onida for a t-ball game. Ryan and Cheyenne are on the team (they both are a bit old for t-ball but in this part of South Dakota you play on the team that's available).
And there on a red Buick in the parking lot was my knight in shining armour -- Shannon. He had a night shoot at work so he'd have to leave early but he was there to help with the kids.
We took our seats at the bleachers and the fun began.
Another kid had a tractor and trailer. Peter and Maggie helped him fill it with rocks. Parents talked about life. One parent said she a tired of t-ball. She'd been to games for ten years. Kids came and went buying stuff at the concession stand. We all cheered for each player on the team.
Peter learned to say, "Go, Go, Go!."
It was a pretty typical t-ball night.
And then the ducks showed up.
A line of baby ducks waddled up to the ball fence. Their parents were hanging out in some puddles. They didn't want to be near humans whatsoever!
The little ducks walked onto the field and stopped the game.
One parent in the bleachers said that was a sign for us to end the game (it was a very long t-ball game. The other team had two sets of players so they had to play them both a few times).
Peter and Maggie started quacking and yelling, "Duck! Duck!"
The ducks were gently chased off the field and the game resumed.
The ducks were then chased back onto the field by some kids. The game stopped again.
They were chased back off.
It was probably the most exciting part of the whole evening.
And I wonder if that is the way life is sometimes -- the distractions, the unexpected shake up our daily life a bit to add a bit of spark.
Or maybe they irritate.
(Hawk saw his neurologist yesterday and Ryan and Cheyenne went along. They are old enough to be still while someone else is talking but boredom had hit them and I told them we'd get something to eat after the doctor was done. They couldn't sit still for anything. They giggled and goofed around.
Noticing them, the doctor said the grandparent stage is great -- cause you give the kids back at the end of the day!)
After Shannon left to go back to work, the two little ones decided it was time to run away from Mom. So, I held them tight on my lap. They screamed and told me and everyone else they wanted down.
A dear friend bought them a chocolate bar and while it lasted things went well. After it was gone I was wishing those ducks come back!
I hope you all have a great weekend. Take the distractions of life with a smile the next few days. Sometimes we can get so focused on what we want to happen that we can't enjoy those things we don't plan.
Thanks for reading. J.H.
Peanut Butter, curiosity and a turkey
Peanut butter is a staple in our household. My kids have it on crackers and on bread and sometimes on a spoon. I always buy Jif. It is what my mother bought when I was growing up.
Sometime last year the kids, Shannon and I drove to Rapid City to visit the INS office to get refingerprinted for Peter’s adoption. My aunt and uncle invited to stay the night (that’s where they live). While there she got out her peanut butter. It was Jif! I commented on it, and found out my grandmother uses Jif. Our family had a peanut butter tradition I didn’t even know about it! Peanut butter has taken on a whole new meaning in our household.
This morning Shannon sat down for breakfast. While he eats I read from a book or the Bible – depending on what we’re reading together at the time. Then we pray together. But, first, we always move our chairs closer together. So, this what we did. He placed his hand on the front of his chair and suddenly stood up. Someone had wiped peanut butter all over the front of the chair. Don’t ask me why neither of us noticed this prior to praying (but we didn’t). I can tell you it was Peter who planted that peanut butter. I doubt if he did it on purpose. It is just his food-eating practice to leave traces behind of his meals. Maybe he is marking his territory (we aren’t always sure what the little guy is thinking about).
Pete got curious about the washer sometime over the weekend. I saw him standing by the washer but didn’t think much of it . . . until yesterday. There was a “Monk” marathon on television. I had put some wash in and was waiting for some noodles to finish cooking for lunch, so I sat down to watch a bit of “Monk.”
Just a few minutes later I hear a cry.
“Mom!” Ryan shouts. “Come quick!”
I run to the kitchen. The floor is covered with gray water (Pete had taken one of the washer hoses out of a pipe) and a few soap suds. The crew goes to work. Shannon and Cheyenne helped me use towels and buckets to clean it all up.
Two good things came out of that adventure. First, some of the dirt on my floor got taken care of. And second, make sure all the hoses are in the correct places before starting the washer!
It worked out fine. Ryan even taught Pete and Maggie a game in the living room while we finished cleaning up.
The first load was finished so I could put all the towels into the washer right away. I took the wash outside to hang up and I saw Tom.
Tom is a turkey who picked us last week. Daily he has gotten closer and closer to the house. He started out in the corral nearby, then some trees and grass east of the house, and now the backyard is his home. I think of my father and my youngest brother who have tried to hunt turkeys the last two years. They haven’t shot one yet. And I have one strutting around my backyard.
I wonder if Tom would like peanut butter? Maybe Pete could teach him how to mark his territory with it.
Have a great week. God gives us days to show others his beauty and his love. J.H.
Riding Bikes
Summer is here, and our summer will be filled with bike riding, star gazing and chaos. Emphasis is on the chaos.
Ryan and Cheyenne are home all day everyday now. Summer started last Friday here in Harrold. They came home from school with ribbons and certificates, sun burned skin and a friend.
I’m not quite sure how Hawk feels about having his older siblings home. I am trying to make sure he gets his usual time with me, but the atmosphere has changed a bit. Peter is a little bit more energetic (sometimes being out of control). Maggie is a bit grumpier, and I get a bit frustrated at times. Ryan and Cheyenne are typical siblings alternating between loving each other and getting along great to wanting to tear each other’s eyes out.
I has only been a few days . . . we just have to get into a routine.
Who needs the routine?
Is it the kids?
Or is it the grownup?
I am betting on the grownup.
It is amazing how easily we fall into routines and prefer them to any kind of change.
It gets pretty bad when my nine year old puts his hand on my shoulder and says gently, “Mom, you seem a bit frustrated. Maybe you need a nap.”
This is quite humbling.
Lilacs are just beginning to bloom here. Their scent as yet hasn’t filled the air. Our irises just started blooming and purple wildflowers dot the ditches and fields.
Last weekend my stepsons were here for a visit. They, Shannon and Ryan drove over to a patch of woods near a lake and picked mushrooms for supper. They came back with scratches on their legs and smiles on their faces (and a few ticks in their hair). Ryan saw deer and downed trees left over from a family of beavers.
Ryan and Cheyenne’s legs are presently sporting a few very nice looking bruises. They learned to ride bikes just three weekends ago. They never really wanted to before. While Shannon was teaching them, they asked him if I could ride a bike. He told them I could, but they didn’t believe him. So, two days ago I got out my bike (a 35 year old purple Schwinn), filled the tires and amazed my daughter.
“Hey, Mom, you can ride a bike,” she said.
We Moms are amazing.
Usually, we spend parts of our days in our garden. We don’t have one this summer. We are waiting for God to move us to our own place. He can do it and will.
Bikes and lilacs, chaos and bruises, stars and ticks, woods and lakes, fighting and loving.
I guess you could say that is a kind of summer kids need – one filled with the opportunity to imagine and have great adventures.
And this old grownup will work on living with a bit of chaos.
